Oh damn...It's been like 4 years since I've updated..So much dookie has went on, I dont know where to start.

Well, first off, MARK PROPOSED TO ME ON VALENTINE'S DAY....Yeah, be jealous..lol*  He was acting all weird *&* kept pacing the floor *&* kept walking back to my momma's bedroom. He was asking my mother for permission *&* trying to get the balls to do it..He came in my room *&* was like acting very odd, I actually thought he was going to break up with me or something..But then, he got down on his knee *&* started tearing up, I was like holy shit, he is gonna break up with me. But then he started talking about how much he loves me *&* all that good stuff, then he asked me...((=  I honestly thought I was gonna either shit on myself or pass out...I came damn near close to passing out actually. Then my mom popped open the door *&* was peaking in *&* smiling. She started snapping pics *&* crap...I think she was happier than Mark *&* I put together...Well, not even close. I'm still in shock *&* I freak out everytime I look at the effun ring. It's perfect <3

Anywho, Mark's lived with me for like the past week or so.  It's been crazy. Mark just spit on me, wtf? Yeah, I don't really like xanga anymore, it's boring as fuck. So this might damn well be my last post..EVER...whoa..

Mark's chemo is going well *&* he's getting better, why, cause I want him to damnit...Oh yeah, *&* the weed is kinda speeding up the process a bit...I can't wait till summer, it's on like donkey kong bitches...Mark will be better than *&* we might be moving to N.C. 

I'm done rambling, I'm over this, I'm going with Mark to make him shut up about Chinese food.

Yeah....(=

Shew...

I have never been so depressed in my life.

Mark is extremely sick *&* I will never forgive God if he takes him away from me.

Mark is moving in a couple of weeks to Indiana *&* won't be back for 6 months or so. Someone told me that he may not be back at all if he dies..Mark is too strong to die this soon, he's too young. He will not die on me, I know this is being negative, but no one is promised tomar, so if God takes him away, then I'm going with him. I made him that promise along time ago, if he goes, I go. I will not live without him. What am I suppose to do these next few months, not knowing if he's alright, not being able to take care of him?? I have never been so confused in my life *&* I've never cried this much, EVER..

I was asking Morris the other night, why did God let me find him, fall in love with him, then wanna take him away like this?? She said maybe because I'm his guardian angel, I don't know.

I want to take his place, I want his cancer, I want it to eat me up, not him. It's not fair. I hate God.

My friends have been such a blessing to me, without them holding me up through this, I would not be here right now. Morris, Tarn, Tara, Kayla, Matty, Kelli, Brit, T-wizzle, Krystal, Meg, Katie, *&* all the rest, you guys are dear to me <3

This is not fair, life isn't fair, but this just isn't right. Why do I have to say goodbye to him like this? Why can't God take me away, why can't God see that Mark has so much to live for than this????

I've drank a total of like 102 beers these past two days. It still doesn't help.

I can't eat, sleep, I can't even think. All I do is cry *&* hit things. I want Mark to be alright, if he goes away *&* doesn't come back to me, then I'm going too. I can promise yall that.

I pierced my nose, I feel no physical pain right now.

I'm crying more now, I need to go.

Mark Anthony Bryant-  I'm praying for you, I love you, I'm sorry.

Currently Listening Let's Get It: Thug Motivation 101 By Young Jeezy The Whole Damn Cd Bitch! see related

Mark *&* I are perfect *&* I'm so glad (=

People need to stop spreading rumors that I'm doing stuff like CHEATING, cause I never have *&* I never would cheat on Mark, he knows better now that we talked about things tonight. Ppl also need to stop spreading rumors that he's cheating *&* all kinds of bullshit. I know better than to believe he would. Yes, I have hung out with Justin, but we've done nothing more than drink beer *&* went fourwheeling, I can promise yall that, afterall, thats Kim's ex, I would never do that to her, EVER!! But I'm no longer hanging with Justin because it causes nothing but drama *&* I don't have time for it. I want to devote myself *&* all my time to Mark because I love him *&* these rumors have done nothing but hurt him. We're over these high school games, that's all they are *&* the people who spread em need to get a life *&* stop making me the center of your world...I get enough attention, I don't need rumors to get it for me (=

Anywho, Mark bought me a SHITLOAD of stuff for Christmas. He bought me tons of pink stuff, including a pink monkey. It seems as if everything I got for Christmas this year was pink, no complaints, it's most def awesome. His family also got me some nice things, I love them.

Mark's taking me out to dinner tomar, it shall be wonderful <3

Also, I would like to thank all of my lovely friends for being here for me, supporting me, *&* loving me. Yall are a blessing, I couldn't thank yall enough. *hugs*

After tonight, after all that's been said *&* done, I've realized, nothing or no one will ever break Mark *&* myself apart. People can continue to spread false rumors all they want, they'll just be wasting their time. We're stronger now than we've ever been. Our relationship is perfect *&* my love for him is stonger than ever. I adore Mark Anthony Bryant, get over it.

I think I've gained 10 pounds, no seriously, I've ate so much today that I could possibly throw my junk up. *GAGS*

Matty called *&* wanted me to go to H.ton last night to drink with him cause we're both having guy problems, but it was raining *&* I'm a lil chicken shit when it comes to driving now after I wrecked.

Mark's sick *&* I hate it. It pisses me off cause I can't do anything for him, besides sit *&* watch him be in pain, I'm a worthless piece of pooh.

My knee hurts like a bitch, this Ace bandage is cutting off circulation to my foot..That can't be a good thing.

Hmm...I do believe I'm over rambling on about nothing, I must go now...

Oh, before I go, HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY MEGAN MOUNTS, YOU OLD GEEZER!!

<3 I LOVE MARK ANTHONY BRYANT *&* HE LOVES ME TOO <3

I wrecked my car last night into a creek up Whitman. I hate myself.

Thank gawd for Becky Calloway *&* her mom who called 911 for me. I love them.

I was on my way to see Mark cause we got into the biggest fight we've ever been in over me just wanting to bitch. I wanted to tell him that I loved him in person *&* say I was sorry for starting the arguement over nothing. The next effun thing I know, my car went sliding everywhere *&* I saw that I was headed right for a stupid tree. Then I wake up *&* I'm in the creek with my head on the steering wheel. I was trapped in my car for like 10 fucking minutes because stupid ppl wouldnt even stop *&* help me. I had to walk about a mile, no literally, a mile to get to Phil's house where Mark was. I have never been so cold in my life. I crawled across the bridge because my knee gave out *&* I couldn't feel anything from being so cold. Finally, after knocking a million times on the door, Stratton *&* Mark came out. Mark carried me to Stratton's truck, then they all took to where my car was. Then my angel Becky came with her mom *&* said she already called 911. The ambulance ppl actually got there perty fast. They towed my car out of the creek, it's not too bad like I thought it would be. Mark, Phil, *&* myself stayed the night at Becky's house. She took such good care of me.

Needless to say, I've fucked up my knee once again, my head hurts like a bitch, my back aches, fuck it, my whole body hurts *&* I'm running on about 3 hours of sleep.

 I've thanked God so many times today that I didn't hurt anyone else or have anyone in the car with me. The firefighter dudes told me that where I hit so hard, if I had a passenger in the car with me that they would have most def went through the windshield *&* they told me that I was lucky I didn't. God does love me after all I guess.

Mark *&* I will never argue again like that *&* I will never drive when I'm that upset. Stupid me.

I'm not sure if I will be driving again anytime soon, it scares me.

I'm gonna lay back down *&* take a nap.

Mark- I hope you feel better babydoll, I'm sorry you're sick. I love you so much <3

Currently Listening I Am Me By Ashlee Simpson Catch me when I fall see related

My tummy hurts...like real bad.

Ashlee Simpson's new album is wonderful (=

I'm madly in love with Mark. It's starting to scare me. I cried the other night just telling him that I loved him, but he also cried, it was beautiful.

Matty *&* Morris stopped by the other night..I've missed them so much.

Mark stayed with me last night. He beat the crap out of me in his sleep *&* stole the covers from me, but I forgive him.

Mark *&* I went to Kim's tonight. She *&* Travis are adorable together. I've missed her. Then grabbed me some food. Then we went to Brad's house. We originally had planned to watch The Dukes of Hazard. We all ended up talking for hours. I've missed Brad *&* Kayla effun Noe. Kayla *&* I went down the road to grab some ciggy's, some crack whore called me beautiful *&* some other dude with her was also hitting on me. Then she stared at Kayla  *&* I when we were pulling out, how odd?!

Mark just left, I kept grabbing his hand, I didn't want him to leave. I'm sad now.

Mark *&* I are staying with Kayla *&* Brad tomar night. We're either going to the movies or getting drunk.

I've got about 23 songs wrote now *&* I'm currently working on one. I need to get them done so I can make a demo. Yeah, I sing, it's the love of my life. Get over it!

What's up with everyone suddenly becoming engaged?! Sara *&* Chris, Keshia *&* Shawn, a few others..Who's next?? I think it's awesome because love makes the world go around (= Awwl..

I get to go to the hospital Monday, how lovely, umm no!

Life is grand, don't take it for granted.

Mark Anthony- my love. I adore you. <3